I’m just really frustrated. I don’t know why I thought I could just pick up where I left off months ago when I stopped running cause fatigue overtook me when I was a couple months pregnant with Logan.
It’s been HARD getting back into running again.
I’m not gonna lie I am way slower at this point than I thought I would be. And my "fast" running is actually pretty slow, too, so you know I am talking SLOW.
That said, I have been running 3 miles a day, 5 days a week for the last month or so. I even ran 5 miles a couple Saturdays ago, and I really enjoyed it.
But I am SO SLOW!!!!!!!!!! These runs are not easy for me. I’m so tempted to just walk several times all throughout. The couple times I’ve been able to run outside though, I’ve loved it and go faster, so maybe it’s just the treadmill. Still. I am 95% sure I’m doing the Top of Utah half. Only 95% cause I haven’t signed up yet!! So why haven’t I signed up?
I’m positive I’ll be able to do a half marathon by then, and by “do” I mean “finish” but as much as I tell myself I’m doing it just to “finish” it is NOT TRUE. If it were my first ever half, maybe, but I’ve done a couple before plus 4 marathons, I’m NOT doing it just to do it, I’m doing it to get a good time! But from the way things are going that may not happen... and I'm afraid to sign up because I don't want to do a half if I'm going to get a horrible time, yaknow? I guess I’m just impatient, I want to be able to run how I did pre-baby. I don’t think I’m giving myself enough time to build up from almost nothing. Maybe running a half 5 months after having a baby is just impractical for my body. Anyway I’m venting today because I couldn’t even get myself to go 3 miles on the treadmill today. I only did 2, and that was walking the last little bit. I was so mad at myself.
I’m NOT doing this to torture myself, believe it or not I love running and the way it makes me feel. I’m not doing this to lose those last 10 lbs that are STUCK to me (I tell myself it must be the nursing that is clinging to those fat stores okay and maybe the chocolate) but all right that’s a lie, of course it’s about weight a little... less than you’d think though, running is for my psychological health mostly. Something about it makes me so happy, sorta giddy. "Runner's high" is a true phenomenon.
Okay I still have what, 12 or 13 weeks, some training schedules don’t even start until 12 weeks prior. I think I need to bite the bullet though and get up early so I can run outside, I do ten times better outside. The only thing is, I would prefer, no, I MUST nurse right before I run and that’s hard to plan.
All right enough frustrated talk I’m gonna be positive from now on and just do what I can do and be happy about it, right? Yeah. I get so excited about running and then let my limitations depress me, well I will just stay excited about running no matter what. I’ve got to remember it takes me awhile to build up, and consistency is definitely the key, so I will just KEEP GOING. I will do the half marathon and enjoy doing it no matter my time. I can always do other ones later. Besides from experience I know there are definitely good days and bad days in running and today was just a bad one. Okay are you bored yet, don’t worry I’m done!
6 comments:
You are way too hard on yourself. You need to remember YOU were part of my inspiration when I started running. If you need a running partner - lets do it. Keep up the good work and remember practice makes perfect and being fast isn't everything it's cracked up to be. I will always be the middle of the pack. You will get there - I promise. Oh ya - you definately are going to do the TOP OF UTAH, right? Let's do it together.
You realize that you've given birth to three kids, right? And in a relatively short period of time. You CAN do it! Just cut yourself a little slack. You have a good period of time to up the training.
YOU CAN DO IT ERIKA! YOU CAN DO IT ERIKA!
I tried running last night...my body voted against me. It was like, "Who the HECK do you think you are?! We don't do this! This blows! Give me a piece of chocolate cake!" So I punished it's rebellion by going further than planned. Now it's punishing me by restricting my ability to move my muscles. We are constantly fighting. I'm thinking of trading this body in for...say....Anna Faris's? Think she'd mind?
Erika! I have thought about doing the Top of Utah half as well! If you feel up to it, I really think you should :)
Well Erika....you are probably doing way better than me. And I HATE running and am ONLY doing it for those last 10 lbs!! But it takes me 20 minutes to do NOT EVEN a mile and a half. Yeah.... I have to slow down and walk a lot. Pathetic.
If I can do it, then you definitely can do it. Your time will for sure beat mine. I am running it just to finish without walking. Any time will be great! Running outside is definitely better than the treadmill. Don't worry, you'll be fine!!
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