Nate and Erika: The Songs of our Lives

A song came on the radio today that totally brought me back to The History That Is Nate and Erika. And I started thinking of all the songs that played a part in our soap operatic past. Wanna hear them? Even though I've probably beat to death the subject of our past? You’re bored anyway, why not!

First song up:

“The Boy is Mine” by Monica and Brandy

I was 15 and my friends and I were at a church dance trying to decide what songs could be the themes of our love lives. THIS SONG was mine. Why? Cause I had a secret crush on Nate… and so did another one of my friends. Everyone knew SHE liked him, but I didn’t tell her I did too because I didn’t want to compete with her for Nate. (RING A BELL KRISTY? So glad we can laugh about this now!) So instead I drove myself absolutely insane watching her flirt with him while he flirted back, all the while denying to everyone my true feelings for Nate. I was an angry woman. I was so desperate for Nate to like ME and not HER that in my mind I was totally like, BRING. IT. ON. Or in other words… “The boy is MINE!”

Here are those lyrics.

“You need to give it up
Had about enough
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine
I'm sorry that you
seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine.”

Um, another suggestion from my friends for the theme of my love life with Nate during this time?

“Push” by Matchbox 20

“I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will…”

I promise I never would have REALLY pushed you, Kristy.

Moving forward in our confusing, dramatic history…

Nate and I went to my junior prom and had a HUGE talk after. You know the talk. The TORT. The Terms of the Relationship Talk. This was his second time telling me he wanted to be more than friends. This was the second time I told him NO I only saw him as a really good friend. Ouch, right? Okay you're thinking, wait, didn't she just say she had a huge crush on him?

I know. I didn't get it either. I didn't understand why I couldn't see him romantically because he WAS everything I wanted. I adored him. I loved him to death. I just got scared thinking about holding his hand. I told him I wanted to stay friends if we could because I needed him in my life.

Despite breaking his heart (and he admits that I did!! Poor hubby.) we did stay friends and a few days after that talk Nate and I were in my car and THIS song came on the radio.

“Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon

The lyrics?

“He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why”

Nate says to me, “Wow this song reminds me of you.”

I say, “What do you mean?”

He says, “Just think about it.”

Yeah I think I understood what he meant...

So there we were, just great, wonderful friends.

Then Nate gets a girlfriend. Feelings I was NOT planning on take over my heart. I was SO freaking jealous. It was ridiculous. I started daydreaming of kissing him, I wanted him so much I could have killed myself for ruining my chances with him. During this time ALL these songs reminded me of Nate.

“You Already Won Me Over” by Alanis Morissette

It goes:

“You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault”

And this NEXT song described it to a tee… because yeah one huge reason I’d told Nate NO twice was cause I was afraid of ruining our friendship.

“Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon

“I can’t fight this feeling any longer
And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we’re together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
I’m keeping you in sight
You’re a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winters night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever.”

Then, I remember THIS song came on the radio (I was listening to oldies?) and I pushed record on my cassette player (wow that sounds ancient) thinking THIS IS EXACTLY ME.

“Foolish Little Girl” by The Shirelles

Here are the lyrics.

“You broke his heart and made him cry,
And he's been blue since then. Now he's
Found somebody new and you want him
back again.

Foolish little girl, fickle little girl
You didn't want him when he wanted you
He's found another love, it's her he's dreaming of
And there's not a single thing that you can do”

Believe me I knew I made a big mistake. I wanted to go back to being the woman in Nate’s life.

Well summer started and I was desperate for a summer fling. Ask any of my friends. It was my #1 goal that summer. Pretty dignified, eh. Well guess what I got one. That whole summer I dated a guy and Nate dated his girlfriend (who was actually the nicest, sweetest girl. I’m not just sayin that cause she's on my blog list, it’s TRUE!) Then I noticed I had way more fun with Nate than with my so-called boyfriend. As the beginning of my senior year started, both our relationships ended. And we FINALLY ended up together!! Nate told me this song reminded me of him:

“Crazy For This Girl” by Evan and Jaron. Awww. Self-explanatory.

And then this song ALWAYS brings back all those feelings from that time.

“Hanging By a Moment” by Lifehouse

The lyrics:

“I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you”

Not only did the “falling even more in love with you” line perfectly describe how we felt for each other, but so did the “hanging by a moment” line, because we both knew he was going to go on a mission in the near future, and only one thing was for certain: we had each other, right then, for that moment. I wanted to hang onto "us" as much as I could because I didn’t know what was going to happen! We dated for around 10 months before his mission. Then he left. The night we said good-bye we stood on his porch. He had been set-apart so we’d done our hugging and kissing earlier. So all we could do is just stand there and shake hands and say good-bye for two years. I was perfectly aware he wanted me to wait for him… and I knew I wanted nothing more than for us to get married when he got home. But we both knew with me dating and going up to BYU-Idaho that it may not happen. My heart broke as I said good-bye and turned away to walk to my car. I started bawling, and the first words I heard on the radio when I turned on my car were these:

“Come stop your crying
It will be all right…”

Uh yeah that didn’t help. Especially as the song continued!

“'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more.”

Phil Collins, why did you do that to me!

So he left. While he was gone these songs were my theme songs!

“If You Wait For Me” by Tracy Chapman

“I Miss You” by Incubus

Pretty much every sappy song.

I know having a “missionary” is not for everyone… but I would not change a thing, he served an awesome mission and it was a great time in both of our lives. And to everyone who told me it WOULDN’T WORK…

It did!

No awkwardness at all when he got home.

I mean, I guess no awkwardness, he kissed me 10 minutes after he was released.

And our song now?? Hmmm…

“We Are a Happy Family”??