I’ve been like some weird psycho lately, feeling like I just cannot do it all, then I’m happy, then I’m sad, and I'm like, it's Christmas time! I love Christmas time! Then last night we watched the 1985 movie “Santa Claus,” Nate loved it growing up, and I’d never seen it before. I felt like a little kid watching it! That is just how I'd imagined Santa, and when he took off in his sleigh for the first time I totally felt all magical. Jenna loved it and Carter was so tired he fell asleep in my lap. It made everything perfect. I love my kids!
When I had my baby girl, everything made sense. Maternity leave was pure heaven. It was like my heart awakened for the first time. I love being a mom.
Yeah I’ve never gotten as angry in my whole life as I’ve been since Carter hit 2... there are downs for sure, but the ups are so rich and fill my whole being with gratitude that I get to be my children’s mother.
Sometimes I am scared at how much I love my kids because of how much is invested in them, and if they are ever taken away I might whither up and die...
And the best part about being a mom is how they love me, too. They take the good and the bad, and they are so honest, from, “Mom, you are sweaty” to “Mom, you burned the chicken?” they take me as I am. I don’t want them to grow up and see my flaws. Right now momma is their hero. Today Jenna wanted me to sing as all the different princesses. She told me, “Okay now be Ariel” and I’d sing an Ariel song, and when we got to Snow White, Carter actually started to cry, and told me, “No! Just be mom.”
He wants me to just be mom. I can do that.
3 comments:
I've been thinking a lot about being a mom too. I love my kids. I love their smiles and hugs. I don't want them to grow up either....
Sure being a mom can bring some awful downs when the kids get hurt or I am worrying about them, but they make happier than anything in my life too. My back yard neighbors 7 yr old son died last week when he drowned in a canal behind our neighborhood. I didn't even know them, but I cried for them knowing that that is the worst possible thing that could possibly happen in my life. It made me appreciate my kids even when they are being monsters. Kids can be tough at times, but it is SO worth it!
This post was so sweet. I feel so many of the same things that you expressed.
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