It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

So have you ever had one of those days where the stupidest things make you emotional????? Things like trying to get pizza dough to spread on a cookie sheet and it keeps getting holes in it and I am like, come on this is the same recipe I always use why is there not enough DOUGH to cover the pan!!! It was making me so mad. This was yesterday. And then I went to get the pizza sauce and guess what, it was MOLDY. I was SOOOO MAD! I didn’t even have any spaghetti sauce or tomato paste to make any. Nate told me he’d like it even without pizza sauce so I’m like all right whatever, so I threw cheese and pepperoni on there and you know what it wasn’t bad. Still. I was almost in tears.

Probably cause earlier in the day I took the kids grocery shopping and hearing “I want this” and “Can we get this” and “But why can’t we buy that” the whole time about drove me insane. I swear I used to think my kids were SO awesome running errands with me, in fact it was kind of fun… yeah right, I don’t know when they got so greedy but now they have like sticky fingers walking down the aisles, “I WANT I WANT I WANT” I was getting so impatient with them and I didn’t care who knew it. Yeah. In fact the whole day I felt like they were out of control, and I was out of control. Some days of motherhood are so dang warm and fuzzy and then some are like YESTERDAY where I am saying “Quit whining at me!!” 8 billion times. And the house is trashed and all I want is a clean place to relax and there isn’t one? Yeah those days make me feel like crying all day too.

And then, while I love transcribing I am SO SLOW right now and of course I expected that but I can’t wait until the day I am fast and actually making real money. Argh and I hate asking for help, but it’s a new job, yeah I have a ton of questions and get confused and then I feel stupid. I hate feeling STUPID!

I really feel like I’m a person who has a handle on things most of the time but just so you all know some days I feel like a CRAZY PERSON! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! And I am like I. JUST. CAN’T. DO. IT.

My hormones are like super out of whack, and hello, I haven’t even had the baby yet.

I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday and I’m dilated to a 2 or 3 and he asked me about being induced, and while yes I want to sit and wait for the excitement to surprise me, it just slipped out of my mouth: “YEAH!” :) boy it’s too tempting. Then he looked at his calendar and said, “Okay how about next Monday” I’m like “Next Monday?” He’s like “Yeah.” WOW AND THEN I started feeling like I was gonna cry. Cause I’m scared about giving birth? Even the 4th time?? Cause I’m scared to add a 4th little human being to our family?? Cause I am SOOO excited to add another little human being to our family?? to love and hold?? Cause I’m sooo not ready? Cause I am sooooo READY? Yes. All of those things. I had to hold back tears as I walked out of the office cause DUDE IT’S REAL the baby is COMING!!!! I can’t even believe it. I know what some of you are thinking, sheesh she really should be used to this by now… yeah ha ha, but no every baby has been equally exciting and nerve-wracking, really. Somehow I adapted to 3, will I adapt to 4???? Can I be a good mother to 4 kids and not lose my mind???

And maybe that’s why I’m super emotional this week. Okay catch ya later!