Car Hate Mail

Dear Chevy,

Hey there. It's me. Your driver.

Let's catch up! I'm just wondering how you've been. Wondering if maybe, JUST MAYBE...

YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!

Seriously, do you LIKE spending so much time at different auto shops????

Do you have something against OUR garage???

Okay okay. Maybe you are just a little bit offended that we are trying to sell you.

I know what you are thinking. What did you ever do to us? After all, you've run GREAT for the last 2 ½ years,

It is true, I have said NOTHING but GOOD things about you the last 2 ½ years. Sure you are older, but you have treated me well.

Even though your exterior paint flies off on really windy days.

But... you do know that we have FOUR kids now. We HAVE to sell SOMEONE and yeah it is YOU, so buck up and be a woman instead of cowering in the corner and BREAKING DOWN like a little BABY.

Yes let's review the trouble you've caused over the last couple weeks.

IT ALL BEGAN with an oil change at Jiffy Lube, you know, gettin you spiffed up to be part of someone else's family.

Not 30 minutes later you DIED! I mean, ya just up and DIED!

We jump started you and you died a couple more times.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Surely it was not a big deal.

We headed back to Jiffy Lube to see if JUST MAYBE they bumped something under the hood??? Cause Nate and I know next to nothing about cars???

They checked it out and said, "NO it's the battery, it is dying."

Oh that's all, whew. We bought you a brand new battery! Then while they were at it they tested the AC and filled you up with Freeon cause apparently you needed it. All for the low price of $230!!

Yay we fixed you!!

Nope. Nope we didn't. That became very apparent as the nice man who BOUGHT YOU for 5 minutes was driving away and you died on him. Thanks for THAT one. Gave him his money back and you were once again, in our care. (He was a nice guy!! You would have liked your new home!!!)

Auto Zone told us it was the alternator. Yay I love spending $165 on alternators!!!

Hallelujah we fixed you!!!!

Nope. Sure didn't. That became apparent as we were trying to leave the auto shop. (can we have our old alternator and money back please? No?)

Another auto mechanic told us he highly suspected it was the crankshaft sensor.

Whatever that is, let's fix it! For $157!!!

DID WE DO IT? WERE YOU FIXED! Oh, the SUSPENSE!!

NO, I TELL YOU, YOU WERE NOT FIXED.

No offense but we're ready to bring you to the DUMP!! We are MAD!!! That is why I am using so much BOLD!

Chevy, my dear, I am trying to be understanding. You've had a long life, what 15 years? But couldn't you have just held on a little longer so we could get some good money out of you? COULDN'T YOU????

I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy sitting there at the shop AGAIN. I hope you're happy knowing we have spent so much money NOT fixing you. And it's not over yet.

Thanks a bunch.