I like fixing the world with hugs and kisses

So even when people say stuff to me like “You guys DO know how to stop this, don’t you?!” ("THIS" being GETTING PREGNANT) (I mean does that even justify a response?!)SO DESPITE people joking around with me about our growing family, I still feel pretty much no anxiety when it comes to having a 4th child. Really, I’m cool. I’m calm. Collected.

THAT IS, until the other night when I was gripped with FEAR as I was in bed trying to sleep, cause all of a sudden it hit me:

DUDE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING?!

I mean, I am about to bring my 4th HUMAN BEING, a 4th PERSONAGE into this world, a person who is going to grow up with ME as their mother, a person whose childhood is going to be largely based on what I do, a person who is going to make choices, good and bad, and I am going to have to watch it all.

I LOVE my little tiny kids, I love them to death, and so far, parenting has been totally awesome (you know, as a WHOLE.) I have said it before, but THIS is what I am meant to do, THIS is where I feel complete and happy and fulfilled . . . and with Nate at my side? Perfect.

But I laid there so scared as I mulled over what this FUN of having babies really encompasses, what it MEANS. I just have this feeling that I have no idea what being a parent is all about quite yet. Cause my kids are small, which means:

They adore me.

They want to make me happy.

They believe whatever I tell them.

They are happy with themselves.

They are teachable and tender-hearted.

Sad moments are fixed with kisses, and angry moments are fixed with time-outs.

When they are mad at me, I’m forgiven minutes later.

They find joy in simple things like potato bugs and cinnamon toast.

When they get upset, their little worlds are SO easily made right again.

That is the blissful world of beautiful, innocent, for-the-most-part happy children.

How long is this going to last?

How long until we fight until they storm out of the house telling me I don’t understand? How long until they tell me they hate me?

How long until I have little to no control over their lives?

How long until I have to let go and let them make their own choices? How long until I have to sit and watch them make mistakes? HUGE mistakes? And pay the consequences?

Will I be able to trust them enough to live their own lives THEIR way? Will I be able to say I did the best I could in teaching them right and wrong?

Will I be able to say I did my best in raising them to be good, happy individuals?

I MEAN IT JUST FREAKS ME OUT!

I don’t want to know the kind of parental heartache that comes in watching your kids get hurt, or watching them hurt others.

I don’t want to lay awake at night hoping desperately they remember who they are and make right choices.

Will I really be able to handle that part of parenthood?

Don't get me wrong. I am excited to watch my kids learn and grow and see who they become.

But it’s also super scary.

Look at me, Pioneer Woman

So I was just wondering if I am totally WEIRD. Some of you know this already, but I am ready to throw it out there. Brace yourselves.

I do not own, and NEVER HAVE owned. . .

A CELL PHONE!!!

I KNOW, IS THAT TOTALLY BIZARRE, WHAT CENTURY AM I LIVING IN!!!!

And WHY THE HEY NOT you ask. Do I shun technology? Do I bask in the knowledge that people can't get ahold of me 24/7? Am I afraid of that whole radiation theory?? I mean, WHAT could my reasoning possibly be to not own a cell phone when 6 year olds have them these days!

Well, I will tell you why: I just have not gotten around to it. That is the truth. I just haven’t. I don’t care enough about it to do it. I know that is so weird, and eventually when I get one I will be like, WHAT dark cave was I living in. Are there times I wish I had one? YEAH! But I have lived without one my whole life just fine. I just have never felt a pressing need to get one. And maybe it would be different, actually I know it would be different if Nate didn't have one (he got one from work) cause then I wouldn't have one handy to BORROW in those desperate times. Still.

Do you think I’m the last 27 year old in the U.S. without a cell phone?

BUT hey I have a facebook account, so I am totally up with the times.

Then again, I don't TWITTER! Dang it.

But I DO BLOG! Whew! There we go.

What happens when Daddy brings the kids to church

I had to get to the church earlier than Nate and the kids. . . so by the time I saw this, it was TOO LATE!



Yeah this is how daddy brought Carter to church. NOT ONLY is he wearing sneakers and jeans, they are LOGAN'S jeans, AND they are on BACKWARDS. I think my favorite part are the striped socks.

OH Nate. He did have an explanation, he did. But do YOU think, EVEN if running late, ANY mom would bring their child like this to church? I think not. I laughed so hard though.

Sunday night, Nate wanted to play a new game he got so bad. Only it needed more than 2 players. And that is why Jenna and Carter are playing the strategic "Make your bid for power" game "REVOLUTION" with us. I mean, it's not exactly Candyland, but they didn't do too shabby.


And here is a picture for your enjoyment. I snapped it while taking Carter potty at someone else's house. I don't normally take pictures of my kids on the jon, but he was taking FOREVER and I was bored out of my mind. Found my camera in my jacket pocket. Thank goodness I did so that I could capture this moment.


And one last thing. Logan got Jenna's pom-poms tangled on his feet. I thought it was so funny watching him drag them around the house. RAH RAH!


ARGH so I can't get the video to work... so here's a picture and you can imagine it yourself.

Happy birthday Jenna and Logan!

Blogging 3 days in a row. WOW. You'd think I had no life.

ANYWAY Thursday was Jenna's HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 4 years old! Wahoo baby girl!
Where does the time go?



Dear Jenna,
You are 4 years old now, that is 1 year for every exhausting hour it took to push you out (not to mention the 12+ hrs of labor on top of that) and guess what I'd do it 100 more times. You are such a good girl and you make me so proud! You are so mature for your age and always have been. You are such a little mommy. You are so protective over Logan and you are such good buddies with Carter. You have a HUGE imagination, I catch you making everything from silverware to hair bows into characters that talk. You are silly and sweet and mommy loves you SO MUCH!!
Love Mom

OH my girly girl Jenna, I love these pictures because they capture her enthusiasm over anything GIRLY!





We had a combined Logan/Jenna birthday party with Nate's family, and another Logan/Jenna birthday party with my family. But on Jenna's actual birthday we took the kids bowling at Boondocks, it was SO stinking cute watching them bowl in the kiddie bowling lanes. I just ate it up. And I was so MAD cause my camera's battery died so I couldn't even take pictures.

THEN today is LOGAN'S 1st birthday!!!



Dear Handsome Honey Bunch Baby!
Logan, I hope you know how much mommy loves you. I could squeeze you all day long. You are the sweetest baby and have been so anxious to grow up just like your older brother and sister, and I want you to stay this age! I love watching you race around the house on your little chubby legs. You are one picky eater though Logan, what am I going to do with you. Your high chair has piles of food under it every day cause for some reason you think it tastes better off the floor (since you come back and snack on it later.) You have 5 teeth and have just added "Done" to your other 3 words. Your big brown eyes suck me in every day. LOVE YOU!!!
Love Mom

Here is the HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY!

Yeah he wasn't feeling his best self today.

AND here are more birthday pictures.

Still worth it?

Spent the wee hours of the morning listening to Jenna throw up and hearing Nate go and help her like every hour. While I laid there tossing and turning with my own barf bag on hand.

All that tender love and care I gave to Carter yesterday and THIS is how he repays me?!

Still worth it.

I guess.

I mean, it really is.

After a long day I am finally keeping food down, so hopefully tomorrow, Logan's FIRST BIRTHDAY will be better. RIGHT?!

Yucky day

Today I watched Carter throw up into a bowl 11 times. And once all over his bed.

I also watched Logan's diaper explode all over his highchair during dinner. One explosion of many.

Two upset stomachs, two different manifestations.

And tonight Jenna was saying her tummy hurt. PERFECT! Quite a day. Wonder what kind of a night it'll be.

And yet, and I have said this before, there is something about being a mom when your kids are sick. Nothing else quite puts me in that “MOM MODE” more than comforting and holding and cleaning up my poor sick kiddies. There is something sweet about just being there when they need me the most. I really hate seeing my babies sick, I hate it, and when Carter was throwing up water and Pedialyte and popsicles over and over again, I cried. BUT this is me, this is my job: taking care of the kids I love so much. And all the yuckiness and laundry and not getting anything else done but be the hands that wipe the icky vomit and change the runny diapers and stroke the flushed faces is and always will be . . .

WORTH IT!!

I mean look at these guys.

(I took these a couple weeks ago, hoping to get a cute picture of them all holding a baby doll so I could maybe use it to tell people we're having another baby. They turned out so much better in my mind.)







Happier times. Happier messes. Yummy yummy.



Love THIS face.

THIS face.

And THIS face.


SEE? All worth it!

Running... with child!

So, I had a lot of running goals for the summer-- before I knew I was pregnant! I know there is plenty of time for running in my future, post-child-bearing years, but I am happy I have managed to squeeze in some running and races between my kids. One thing I have never really done though is run through my pregnancies. I know there are a lot of women who run while pregnant. . . like right up into their last trimester and everything. I have a couple of friends who did. With each of my pregnancies I've been like, I am so gonna do that! Then 7 weeks would hit and the extreme fatigue/hunger pains of death stage would kick in and kill off all motivation to put the food down and get off the couch, let alone RUN.

WELL, THIS TIME I’m still running and will for as long as I can comfortably. I didn’t run all through December, but I started running again in January when the fatigue and endless hunger pains magically disappeared. I have read many running pregnant women blogs/forums on the internet and it is so inspirational!

Running has been slower than usual, but I’ve been doing 3 miles 3 or 4 days a week. I did 6 miles three weeks ago and 7 miles two weeks ago and felt really good. Actually in the back of my little mind I have SO wanted to run (SLOWLY!) the Winter’s Circuit half marathon on April 3rd. I’d be 22 weeks along. But before I signed up or started getting into the 8, 9 and 10-milers, I finally got up my nerve this last week and asked my doctor. I knew he was super conservative, cause when I was pregnant with Logan and I told him I was going on a cruise, he told me I couldn’t get in ocean water (yeah I defied him on that one). But he knows I’ve been running and he’s fine with it (he's very pro-fitness) so I was like MAYBE?!

Yeah he “advised against it.” Dang it. I'm disappointed, but I understand and I won’t defy him on this one. I just wanted a goal to keep me active. Obviously the baby comes first. But maybe like a 10k??? I don't know. I am not trying to break records or lose weight (and let me tell you, running so far has done nothing to curb my regular pregnancy weight gain so don’t even worry) I just want to feel good while I’m pregnant. That’s what running does for me. I mean, I know I’m going to be huge this summer, but I may as well feel healthy too. And honestly, who knows how long I can keep this up! I will just listen to my body. If I feel it’s best to give it up I will be okay with it!

If anyone has any advice for me I'd love to hear it. Here are some websites that got me all motivated in the first place. While I may not be "Sea Legs Girl," running 12 miles a day at 7 months along. . . or running a 5k in 26 minutes at 8 months, you have to admit that is pretty motivational! (She had a very healthy pregnancy and very healthy baby.) I'm very happy with my super slow running. Baby seems to like it so far, too.

http://sealegsgirl.blogspot.com/2007/09/tale-of-5-month-pregnant-half-marathon.html

http://www.pregnancytoday.com/articles/exercise-in-pregnancy/running-while-pregnant-2251/

http://en.allexperts.com/q/ObGyn-Pregnancy-issues-1007/2008/5/Running-Half-Marathon-20.htm

http://marathonmommies.blogspot.com/2008/02/can-i-really-run-slc-half-marathon.html

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a13051015/anyone_running_half_or_full_marathons_while_pregnant

http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/health_wellness/fitness_food_weight/article/running-pregnancy

Adaptation

Thanks everyone for your comments on here and facebook! You’re all so nice. For some reason this pregnancy #4 has had me all anxious about WHAT ARE PEOPLE GONNA THINK. Like “there goes that Erika again havin’ babies!” I know, stupid, I don’t know why I’m being paranoid. I shouldn’t have to feel even a little apologetic for having babies, right, even if they’re little unplanned wonders. Nate doesn’t understand why I even share that this is a surprise anyway, cause he’s all WHO CARES you don’t have to justify having another baby no matter how fast it is. But come on, 4 kids in 4 years? I just like people to know I’m not completely insane.

Sanity aside... I really am so happy for another baby!! I’m due August 5, so I’m 18 weeks tomorrow. It was way hard to keep it a secret for so long. We just thought it would be fun to know the gender when we tell people. Plus it was kinda nice keeping the attention off my stomach for as long as I could. :) So these past 4 months I've had a lot of time to think of how I'm going to handle 4 kids...

It’s funny when life does not go as planned how you are forced to simply adapt. Adjust. Make it work. I’m talking about the baby, and our financial situation. At first you’re scared and you don’t know how this will change things. But somehow, you do adjustments here, and adjustments there, and things work out okay. AT LEAST I HOPE!

This medical transcriptionist thing better work out, now more than ever before, BECAUSE we are adding to our family. I originally wanted to be done with the schooling in 4 months, which meant I should have finished Feb. 20. YEAHHHHH it has not gone how I planned, I just don’t have 8 hours a day to do it. BUT I am trying really hard to finish in the next month. Then there’s the whole making sure I get high honors on the final... and then getting a JOB... yikes. IT’S SCARY! But the transcription has definitely gotten easier, and after transcribing the first 100 or so reports, commas became the least of my worries. Now it’s just doctors who talk like “The patient widjvwi osteoarthritis wodnv hehdyuv bursitis jhdvqh triamcinolone wieodv.” Some are so easy and some are so hard, cause apparently doctors can make it through med school and NOT KNOW how to speak!! But Google is SO SO SO my friend it is amazing. Anyway out of 800 reports to do I have done 420. It's a lot of work, but very interesting.

A lot of changes are gonna take place, but I feel pretty optimistic. Like my 2 year old said out of the blue today,

"Well. Let's DO this thing."

TA-DA!!!! IT'S A . . . !!!!!!

..... LOT of oreos and chocolate mini-donuts???

Yeah. I do go through my fair share, blast temptation.

But actually, it IS what you are maybe thinking it is...

And I decided to finally come out with it cause I really can’t hide it anymore! And I finally told my family so I can tell cyberspace!

IT'S A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are thrilled!!!!!!

(After the blood flowed back into my body.)

We always said we wanted at least 4 kids!

4 kids 4 years old and under running around the house is gonna be fun!

I swear that was not sarcastic either!

Really in all honesty, ALL honesty, yes I was shocked, but it didn’t take long at all for me to get psyched for another baby. I get so excited thinking about it. I don’t know why cause I should be terrified.

Nate of course thinks it is totally awesome.

Oh, and for the record...

IT’S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!

Haircuts and ballerinas

So 2 things happened this weekend. FIRST. The Haircut. Carter was like an animal so by the time he was this age I'd already given him like 5 haircuts. With Logan I have been reluctant, not only because he has less hair than Carter did, but because I kinda liked his long wispy hair. Then when I realized I could put it into a ponytail I decided maybe it was time. Here are the before pictures:




I should have really put it in a ponytail in the back because you can't tell how long it was cause it curls a little. ANYWHO, one last, hmm okay only, mohawk picture:



And here is the AFTER. Logan wasn't sure how he felt about the haircut. (I am not a good hair cutter. I clip a little here, clip a little there, but hey, I didn't slash his head so that's good.)



Yeah he's cute, but I still kind of miss his long locks!

Okay and then Jenna had a little dance recital, it was adorable. Her teacher does it for free, it's awesome. Is it kind of weird but I felt like tearing up as I was watching her be all graceful, my little ballerina. It was to Martina McBride's "Valentine" so maybe that had something to do with it?








That's all! For now! I'll probably post something tomorrow! Wait for it!