Stupid things I did for guys

So I was looking in my old journals and WHAT falls out but the funniest and SADDEST list ever. I was 16 and just got back from a pretty BAD DATE. I was so mad and I was like why am I not crying yet?! So I wrote a list entitled, "Reasons to Cry" and completely vented. OHHH man am I glad those days are over. Here is my LIST (I will not out this person and write his name, sigh, I am so nice)

-I feel ugly
-I feel fat
-_____ is a freak
-Why do I hang out with him?
-he's not worth it
-I sit there and take his crap
-he just doesn't respect me sometimes
-where's my real guy?
-why'd I get in the _____ mess again?
-yet I still wanna make out with him **WARNING WARNING! Parents I swear I didn't make out with him…***
-how sad is that?
-my stomach's killin me
-I still feel ugly
-I still feel fat
-no good guys like me
-sometimes he acts like he wants me to hate him!
-_____! WHY do I go OUT W/HIM!
-He called me "Brittany"!!!
-Who does he think I am?
-who is this girl?
-Did he go out with her?
-Did he kiss her too?
-Country music is depressing
-But I listen to it
-My exercise isn't working!
-I'm LAUREL PREZ! And I hang out with _____ and _____!!
-Something's WRONG W/THIS PICTURE!
-still feelin ugly
-no one writes me email anymore! Doesn't anyone CARE!!
-The spirit's not w/me when I'm with _____. Figure that one.
-Why do I rationalize?
-WHERE'S MY GUY!
-I miss oma.
-I'm peeling on my face and it looks weird
-I'm trying to find reasons to help me cry
-HOW PATHETIC IS THAT!!
-Gosh don't ya see the great mood _____ puts me in.
-I make myself sick—I actually missed _____???!!
-why am I not crying yet???

Yeah….. this guy was not the coolest guy ever… and the thing is all my friends and family could see it and I COULDN'T-- well until this date that is. Things ended shortly after that.

I was so STUPID for letting him treat me the way he did sometimes. So I was thinking of other stupid things I did for guys.

*Listened to rap for a whole summer. You know cause nothing says YO YO RAP like Erika… but I really convinced myself I liked it cause the boy I was dating did!

*Another stupid thing I did for the same boy: I was out of contacts and so instead of wearing my glasses (OH THE HORROR of having him see me in glasses!) I shoved them in my pocket. Dude I could hardly see his face (I am that blind). We went to the movies and I honestly could hardly see what the heck was going on!!!! My glasses were in my POCKET and I still would not put them on. Of course the movie WAS "Gone in 60 seconds" so I can't say I missed much.

*In 8th grade I liked a guy who was slightly shorter than me and it drove me CRAZY. So although I owned a bunch of cute shoes, I REFUSED to wear any with any sort of heel. I just KNEW our destiny was hinged on an inch or two!!!

*In 9th grade I can't tell you how many times I "accidentally" let my pencil roll off my desk in Science class so that the kid I liked would pick it up for me and maybe realize that I was alive. I know, I was good. I was a subtle flirter. (so subtle I am sure he never knew how much I liked him, SIGH!)

*My junior year I flipped to a random page in a guy's yearbook and "anonymously" wrote I was secretly in love with him!!!! OH man I about died all summer thinking of how stupid that was. I am never that bold, I don't know what came over me.

*Driving past one guy's house 7 times in one day. Seriously. Can you say STALKER?

*One guy I was dating said he hated feet. So in the middle of summer I made sure I wore SHOES when I was with him. (later when things were heading south I wore sandals just to bug him.)

There's gotta be many more, those were kinda stupid. OH WELL the POINT IS I ended up with Nate! And the stupidest thing I did for him was go to the grocery store with globs of cream cheese all over my face! But that's another story!!