Things we've been up to...

...that have nothing to do with running. :)

Getting thrown around by Uncle Neil.

Chalk drawing.

Taking all four kids for a wagon ride.

Being cute on top of the washing machine (until Logan dumps the box of detergent all over the floor. Sigh. No pics of that.)

Happy birthday Nate!

Trying to make ourselves "Superman." (that was his explanation.)

Good thing we love him.

The marathon! Torture or therapy?

(Yikes this turned out epic!)

So the marathon, eh?!

Three words: IT WAS HARD!!!!

But you know what I am proud of myself cause I did it. I totally did it!

This is my 6th full marathon and I forget how hard it is every time. Kinda like childbirth. Except in this case I’d say 3 of my labors and deliveries were easier than this.

Four of my marathons were pre-children. Then I ran one “for fun” with my mom and dad in 2009 right after I had Logan. I had only trained up to 13 miles for that one and I felt much better during that one than I did for this one. Granted there was no pressure for that one, but this one for sure felt harder.

So Saturday morning Nate and I woke up at 3:45 a.m. (oh yes did I mention Nate did it too?) and I ate a bowl of Honeycombs (my ideal race food!) and peanut butter toast. I was not as nervous as I thought I’d be. Then we headed up to Ogden to catch the 5 a.m. buses. The bus ride to the start of the race is always nerve wracking for me because it feels like it takes FOREVER and all you think about is how you’re going to be running right back down. Yikes!

So Nate and I get to the start where there are little fire pits everywhere to keep the runners warm and a billion porta-potties. I was like, there is no way we are going to find my mom and her running partner or Nate’s sister Kellie and her husband Ryan, all who were running the race as well. Well what do you know we found them all! Still I wasn’t too nervous, like I wasn’t about to puke or anything.

Then the gun went off. AHHHHH!!!!! But the trick is to trick your mind. You can’t think about the fact that you have 26.2 miles ahead of you. You take it a few miles at a time. Then it’s not so bad. (yeah my mind didn’t really buy it.)

So off we went!!!! I came into the race knowing I didn’t want to stick with anyone. I didn’t want to feel like I had to keep up with someone and I definitely didn’t want to slow anyone down. So basically I told Nate (who hardly trained at all!!!!) he was to fend for himself (I wasn’t worried about him, he is basically a machine it makes me sick.) The other thing: my goal was to do the marathon in under 5 hours. That’s all I wanted. I’ve been a slower runner since having kids, but I thought I could do it.

Well the first few miles flew by. It was a BEAUTIFUL day (hallelujah I was so afraid there’d be another hailstorm like my 2004 experience.) Anyway here is a breakdown of 26.2 miles!

I started off running with my mom and Nate. Then my mom and Ramona went hauling ahead and I left Nate behind around mile 2.

Miles 2-9 I had stupid crappy weird stomach pains that I’ve had off and on throughout training (I cannot pinpoint what it is or what I need to do different!) but whatever I ran through them anyway.

At some point during those first few miles Nate passed me up (he just informed me mile 4 or 5) I was like go Nate, go!

At mile 7 I grabbed a Gu (if you don’t know what Gu is you should try it sometime it’s like trying swallow honey, but hey it works.)

Mile 9 was like my best mile of the race! The golden mile! The stomach pains disappeared, the Gu had really kicked in, and I stuck my ipod in my ears. I actually really enjoy listening to everyone around me, but I decided to try music for this marathon and LOVED IT!!!! I was in my own little world and felt great!!!!!! Well that didn’t last long.

Around mile 11 I caught up with Nate and I also had to go to the bathroom. I made it to the halfway point, mile 13, and jumped in a porta-potty. Oh hey did I mention the night before Aunt Flo surprised me?? I’m like OH WONDERFUL, juuuuuuust PERFECT! Cause it’s the best thing ever to run a marathon on your period (to be frank!!!!)

So mile 13 I meet up with Kellie and her running partner, Jamie, and Nate!! It’s a par-tay!!!!! And this is at the bottom of a huge hill (they say Ogden is a downhill race well I’m here to say do NOT be fooled there is a LOT of flat and a few uphills!!) We lost Nate somewhere along the way and around here Kellie’s like “Do you want a Gu?” and pulls one out of her bra and I proceeded to shove it in my mouth.

Seriously, runners have no shame! I love it! People running off into the bushes to pee, that guy with shorts riding up so high I have to look away, applying runner’s lube to secret places (cause chafing hurts like HECK!!) , stripping off clothing cause you’re so hot (that was not me), or simply passing gas to the wind without a care in the world (once again, NOT me) oh and let’s not forget the porta-potties at the start, it is a runner’s PRIORITY to clean out your system before the race. And everyone understands. I love it.

So after the Gu from Kellie’s bra (thanks Kellie!) I was definitely feeling better and a lot of downhill came and I LOVE downhill… so you’d think I’d be flying down the canyon and loving it… nope I just was not feeling it this race. The whole time I waited for that long stretch of feeling light, on air, just plain giddy… and it never came! This marathon was just all around HARD!

Mile 16 I remember thinking, 10 more miles! 10 more miles!

Mile 18 I was like WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?

Mile 20 I was like Hamstrings, please forgive me!!!!!

Mile 21 is when the 5 hour pacer woman passed me (I wanted to trip her, dangit!) and I tried to keep up with her and just couldn’t and so I kissed THAT dream good-bye. At that point I was like FORGET TIME, FINE, LET’S FINISH THIS THING.

Mile 23, 24, and 25: SHOOT ME, SHOOT ME NOW! It felt like FOREVER. I mean it is at this point that you just have to do that digging that I talk about, digging deep within yourself to make those feet keep going, to keep from just stopping right then and there. I definitely walked a bit the last couple miles, but every time I stopped my muscles would cramp up and I’d be like that ain’t good so I’d try to run again. Kellie also booked it way ahead of me, she was a-freaking-mazing those last couple miles, I mean who does that? Good job, Kellie! No signs of Nate, I hoped he was doing good.

The last mile: I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN! Half marathons , piece of cake, this is just CRAZY!

Then I ran those last 3 or 4 blocks pretty strong for feeling like I want to die and there is the finish!!!! and who is at the finish line waiting for me???? My mom. They even let her put my medal around my neck. It was awesome.

So my time? I shall tell you without shame (okay a little shame… I can’t help it!!) it was 5:11.

My mom did awesome, she did 4:57. This is like her oh 22nd FULL marathon or something, and she is seriously super WOMAN. Anyway I tried to wait around right there for Nate, hoping he was doing okay, but I really could hardly stand! So I walked over to where I saw Kellie and Ryan and tried to stretch my legs and then I look over and there is my hubby just finishing!!!!! His time was 5:23 and I was so proud of him (he thought he might not finish, that’s how unprepared he was) and ran (a miracle in itself) to give him a hug. (by the way these are the shoes he ran in, yes that's a huge hole. time for new shoes hon!)

We did it!

(Our "we are in so much pain!" faces)

We came home to my cute sister chalking up the driveway.

WHEW. I can honestly say that day I was thinking it’d be a LONG LONG TIME before I THINK about doing another full. But now… in the back of my mind… it’s like, I know I can do better… (stop it, stop it, mind!!) But I do have the Ragnar Relay coming up next month (that’ll be a whole new experience!! Some people dropped out of my brother-in-law’s team so Nate and I jumped on board!!) and I definitely want to do Top of Utah half marathon in August. So guess I better keep running.

Why do people run marathons? Why do I???

I was telling my mom this last night. Maybe I won’t tell the whole internet every gory detail of my messed up history. But I will say this: from age 14-20 I had a horrible, horrible relationship with my body. I hated it. I compared myself to EVERYONE. I was borderline completely mental about it. I did terrible things (I don’t know why I can’t come out and say it, maybe someday) to try to be” skinny.” Then I started running with my mom at age 20. I had never been a runner. We pushed further and further. I started training for my first marathon. When I ran 10 miles for the first time I was like WOW!!!!!! I had never felt so good. I had NO IDEA my body could DO that!!!!

You see, I stopped focusing on what my body looked like and I started seeing what my body could DO.

And that changed everything. EVERYTHING.

My whole relationship with my body completely changed. My body was amazing because of what it could DO. What it was capable of. It wasn’t something to hate, it was something to be proud of, and not because I achieved the body I wanted because honestly not much changed on the outside. But everything changed on the inside. I was finally free of my own worst enemy, me, and no longer had any desire whatsoever to continue on the destructive path I was on. It honestly completely healed me and I did not look back.  I don’t want to leave God out, because God and prayer had a LOT to do with it. I had pleaded with him many, many times, asking him to rid me of my problem. I didn’t know why he couldn’t just take it away, why I couldn’t just stop. And now I know that I had to be a part of my own healing process. He doesn’t do everything. My mom couldn’t take it away. Nate couldn’t take it away. I had to. And running was the catalyst.

So that’s why I run. Because it gives me a sense of amazement at what our physical bodies can do. It makes me feel alive and grateful. And while I don’t NEED to run, it’s not an obsession or anything, I still get a rush from it and I think about where I came from every time. And I think, I am capable! Of 26.2 miles! Even if it takes me over 5 hours!!

Hey I still got a medal AND a shirt… AND a tan, so there you go.

"YOU LOSER!" and other inner demon quotes.

ME:

HOPEFULLY NOT ME:

So guess what the marathon is on SATURDAY!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!

I do not feel very ready. This is how my training has gone:

I started running in January 2 miles a day 4 days a week. By the end of that month I finally had worked my way up to 3 miles comfortably. In my opinion that is one of the hardest parts, getting up to 3 miles comfortably and consistently, and once you can do that it is not very hard to just add on miles after that. So in February I began adding in long runs on Saturdays every other week. I meant to follow like a real training plan, but it varied a lot. The way I’ve learned to train (from my mommy) is to increase your long run by 2 miles every other Saturday, and the weeks in between do half of what you did the Saturday before. My training I started with 4.5, then the next Saturday did 3, then 7, then 5, then 10, then 5, then 12, then 6, then 14, then 6, then 14.5 (I THOUGHT I had done 16, turns out I was wrong, was I disappointed!!), then 19, 13, and 7. You’re supposed to do your longest run (some people run up to 24, some training plans go to 18) like 4 weeks before the marathon and then taper down after that. I was running out of time so my weeks didn’t work out like that. Then on top of the long runs, I ran 3 or 4 days during the week just 3 miles at a time (which I have concluded is probably not enough mileage for marathon training, but hey I did what I could.)

So that is what I did and now we’ll see how things go on Saturday. I’ll tell you one thing, I’m SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like I’ll probably pee my pants the night before!!!

Yeah I’m not feeling confident, my long run this past Saturday and the week before were pretty awful. I kept thinking WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? WHY can’t I just be a great runner??? Why can’t this be easy for me?!! I was so mad at myself. Granted I do have great runs sometimes where it does feel easy, but heck if I could remember any yesterday! And that stupid little voice inside me was being a jerkface, saying “You are such a loser, Erika. You can’t do this. What are you thinking.” And I really wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. My stomach had weird pains and I was tired and I had only gone like 5 miles!!!! The thought of going 21 more made me nauseous!

So this stupid voice is one I’m familiar with. I think we all have a voice in us that TOTALLY beats ourselves up and discounts any good or positive thing about ourselves and isn’t it hard to drown that voice out sometimes?? Am I the only one with an inner demon? (just to be clear I am not talking about real voices here, just figurative!)

It drives me crazy. Then as I was running I thought of something. I may never be fast. Plenty of elite runners will pass me. Heck in past marathons you wouldn’t believe who passes me, some of these big old grannies are amazing! So yes it is true: I will never be good enough…. FOR THEM. You see what I need to focus on is being good enough FOR ME. And no one else. Comparing yourself to others only brings out paranoia and bitterness, sometimes to the point you can’t even be happy for others. Seriously that’s no way to live. Everyone is running their OWN race. I need to rely on my own strength to finish. I don’t know why I’m so scared anyway, cause in my past 5 marathons, the second I cross that finish line no matter how fast or slow my time was I feel like the most awesome person in the world, it’s an amazing feeling (definitely addicting and definitely why I put myself through training for another one… and another one…) Obviously I am comparing this to life (I can think of thousands of marathon analogies I know this is not original!) but I think it’s so beautiful. We are all running, some faster, some slower, with people cheering us on the way. During races I LOVE the spectators along the way, it really makes me faster, I know it does. And guess what? Do they only cheer for the fast people? Good-looking people? Most popular? Or the smartest? Nope everyone is cheering for everyone. I love it. It’s a powerful thing. Sometimes I have to remember yeah we each have our own race to run, but we’re all in this together. I’m my own cheerleader and I’m cheering for everyone else too.

During my run on Saturday I was feeling down and then there was a group of three runners, 2 ladies and a man and boy did they look super athletic. They flew past me and I was a little bitter. Not at them, really, just at myself cause I’m pretty sure I was walking when they went by. It was only a little later when I was running again that I saw them up ahead, and guess what, they were walking. It really opened my eyes, I was like, wow, here I thought these were amazing runners and look at them, they need to walk sometimes too. Isn’t that like life too? I know I look at other people and think WOW they are amazing, but no matter how perfect people may seem I guarantee they have to walk sometimes, they have their own trials. We are all more alike than we think. You see? We are all running our own race with our own struggles, but if we find it in ourselves to press on, we can all finish.

So I am definitely terrified of the marathon on Saturday, I mean 26 miles is pretty scary even if I had trained all I could. But I will not let my inner demon voice tell me that I CAN’T or that I’m a LOSER. Cause this is my own race and I’ll finish if someone has to drag my limp body across the finish! (but hopefully not.)

Baby on parade

Lately my kids like dragging Kaitlyn around the house in the laundry basket. 

My little queen in her chariot.

So today we got a truckload of dirt for our yard and if you recall my history with dirt, like THIS and OTHER DIRTY SECRETS you may wonder if it looked good to me today.  I have to say I am definitely not pregnant so NO it did NOT look edible AT ALL.  (all right maybe a little.)

Logan and Carter were helping out a lot.

And Jenna took care of Kaitlyn.

My turn for a ride! ha ha.

I am a soccer mom

So... now that the season is over... we put Jenna in soccer this year! (i just learned how to make pictures big!)

It was honestly a weird experience for me. That first practice, I felt like I was now part of a special club. I was like THIS is what people mean when they say they're going to soccer. I never played sports growing up so I was never part of that world. Some part of me wishes I had branched out and done sports as a kid (although I don't remember having the slightest desire to play sports at the time) because then maybe jr high and high school gym wouldn't have been so mortifying. Pretty much my sports playing experience is as follows:

Elementary school: Hated, HATED kickball. Running to kick the ball and missing was not fun for me. Getting hit in the face with the ball was just not doing it for me either.

Junior high: In 7th grade my friend Lisa organized a flag football team and for some strange reason I agreed to play. That is really quite funny, why? well the one time I actually caught the ball I was so proud.  Until I realized I was running the wrong way.  When you're playing a bunch of guys that can be pretty embarrassing. That was the last of intramural sports for me.

All Young Women sports, which my mom made me play: My biggest goal was to see if I could get through the games without having to actually touch the ball. Aim high, Erika! Although I wasn't too shabby with a volleyball, so I touched the ball a few times there.

High school: I remember going to the batting cages (i'm not sure what circumstances led me there, seems pretty out of character) and out of the 20 some odd balls that came at me I hit 1. ONE! And the one I hit just knicked off the bat and hit me right in the mouth. And that was my one and only time at the batting cages.

Believe it or not my junior year I played powder puff. Why?? Again, you crazy friends and all your peer pressure!!!! Well I tried as hard as I could to blend in the background and not actually play, but alas someone put me in for a short amount of time and that was quite enough glory for me. I have to admit though, the atmosphere was cool.

You see playing sports for me has always resulted in some kind of humiliation or fear of humiliation. I was way too self conscious and not nearly aggressive enough. Oh yeah and if you don't know this about me, I am NOT COORDINATED!! (this is why I run, it does not require much coordination.)

Then you have Nate, who played like every sport known to man as a kid and not only that he was awesome at them.

SO... I am very curious which direction our kids will lean. I have to say, so far Jenna is exactly like me. She didn't really know what she was doing out there on the soccer field, just content to run back and forth and if the ball ever was near her she'd either hang back and let her teammates get it or tap it with her foot. But you know what? She had so much fun and her confidence level from that first practice to the last game sky-rocketed.  There was even a game she got hit in the face with the ball and she came to me and cried and I wondered if she'd go back out there.  After a bit she got brave and played the rest of the game, I was so proud.  I loved seeing her participate on a team, try her best, run around with flushed cheeks, congratulate the other team at the end (they got killed almost every game) and beam at me when she did "tap" the ball. So yeah I think we'll try this sports thing!  Hey as long as I don't have to play!

When Vanity Backfires and other Mother's Day Tales

Sooo let me tell you about my Mother’s Day.

Okay let me back up and just reveal this little fact: I'm a little vain. At least about white legs anyway.

Yesterday I bought some sunless tanner. That’s right. I did. The marathon is coming up and I am like, dude if I’m gonna be in shorts and if I’m gonna be really slow I may as well look GOOD coming in almost last, right!!! I admit it! I AM VAIN! I smoothed it right on last night and thought, a few applications of this (it said gradual!!) and by marathon day these legs will be a thing of sunless glory!!

So this morning I got some delicious breakfast in bed (thanks hubby!) and it was a mad rush to get to 9 a.m. church. I slipped on a shorter skirt, cause hey my legs were actually shaved (not a common thing of late).

Well we are in the church parking lot when I glance down at my legs... and almost screamed in HORROR!!!!! OH my heck I about DIED they looked TERRIBLE! Streaky, orangey, I am like I CANNOT GO IN THERE LIKE THIS!!!!! I swear this is not even me being dramatic, it really was THAT BAD! Shoot shoot what am I gonna do. I couldn't go home, Nate was actually speaking, so I was like okay I’ll go in for sacrament and figure something out!! I was seriously going to die. Of humiliation. I should have been praying for Nate to do good on his talk, nope I was praying no one would look at my freakish SOOOOO very obviously fake tanned legs!!!!

THEN. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE! I realized something else. I FORGOT TO PUT ON DEODORANT!!!

SERIOUSLY I am an embarrassment to all women out there.

So have you ever forgotten deodorant, sadly this is NOT the first time I have done so in my lifetime and I can tell you this, the more you tell yourself not to sweat the MORE YOU DO.

So there I am in sacrament meeting, trying to discreetly rub down my legs with baby wipes and a WHOLE LOT of orange is coming off so I’m hoping I can keep this whole sunless tanning disaster on the down low, AND I am pretending to reach in my diaper bag while discreetly sniffing my armpits.

It was a joke, really.

SO. All in all: the kids were crazy in sacrament meeting, so I am sorry to those around us.

I am also sorry for those who saw my legs and I hope I was able to wipe off most of it, but you never know.

Lastly, I apologize for anyone who sat close to me cause I don’t think I was smelling the best.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ME!!

Sigh. And while I appreciated these things:

Plus some other adorable things the kids made me...

...I really think the best mother’s day gift came yesterday when we decided to go grocery/mother’s day shopping as a WHOLE family and I watched Nate try to control our children (OH they were SO BAD!! You know when your kids act up sometimes you get the sympathetic “oohhh I’ve been there” looks, nope all looks were “get your crazy kids outta here, people.”) I laughed and laughed at him chasing down Logan and Logan screaming and the kids all hanging all over the cart. Yeah not gonna lie, got a little satisfaction with him getting a taste of what I get to do every week.

Cute little wild rabid animals though. Motherhood comes with it's bruises, like my poor elbow. And this recent bruise on my arm:

Wanna know how I got it?
She pinched me. Serious!

Good thing kids are cute, you know?

Happy Mother's Day to the best mom and mother-in-law!!!