Spilled cereal (AGAIN!) and spilled thoughts

SO GUESS WHAT scene I came upon yesterday??????

I was like AGAIN?!!!!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!  Like, this must be the Year Of The Cereal or something.  A couple times, FINE, probably normal, in fact I remember at least 2 incidents with Jenna and Carter when they were younger.

But Logan is doing this like every other day it seems and I can't take it anymore!!!!!  I don't know why he does not learn!  I don't know why he sneaks cereal from the pantry, I promise I am not starving him!  I don't know why he can't just leave the cereal in the kitchen, why bring it into the bathroom or living room or hallway?  These are the great mysteries of life.  Anyway I wasn't about to waste a whole bag so we scooped as much as we could back in the bag (a little cereal off the floor never hurt anybody... I just kept it to myself when Nate had a bowl of that cereal later that night) and then I made Logan vaccuum it up.

Kaitlyn is starting to make a name for herself as Logan's sidekick. 

Sigh.  YES it has crossed my mind that if I quit buying sugary cereals well then maybe Logan wouldn't be so apt to hunt down the FiberOne.  I know.  I know.  It seems quite simple.  My CEREAL OBSESSION is bad for my kids I know!  I should just hide it and have my secret stash of Golden Grahams and give my kids Multi-Grain Cheerios I KNOW!

Anyway.  SO I was thinking.

I promise that while it seems like I am glorifying the kids' shenanigans on my blog and that I laugh whenever they get into mischief, it is NOT TRUE.  I am NOT that good.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE what one of my favorite blogger's wrote on her blog, right HERE, http://www.71toes.com/p/disclaimer.html.  It is her disclaimer, that while she loves to write about her family and loves being a mother and is so thankful for her life, the last thing she wants to do is depress people.  I totally know blogs can be depressing, I mean, look at Elder Uchtdorf's AWESOME TALK from the Relief Society General Meeting, where he talks about how us women tend to compare ourselves to other women and then feel bad.  I really don't know what people think about me, but I guess I wanted to say I am being as real as I can and it makes me laugh and somewhat distressed when people have told me that they cannot picture me yelling at my kids.  Not sure what it is that portrays that, but I would just like to clarify in big bold letters, I YELL AT MY KIDS ALL THE TIME!!!!!  Believe me.  It is one thing I am very good at.  YES I try to find humor in my crazy life and motherhood truly makes me happy, but what you don't see when I post spilled cereal pictures like this is me yelling at Logan and hyperventilating cause I canNOT believe he did that again.  Yes I grab my camera to take pictures, but because I know it will be funny later AND for proof that I survived this moment.  Motherhood is great, but face it, it's hard sometimes!!!  I am not afraid to admit that I have emotional freak outs on a regular basis and then I move on until things build up and build up and I have another one.  But despite the hard times, the frequent "mommy guilt," the feelings of being inadequate and not enough.... I. Am. Grateful.  And one reason I love to blog, besides documenting the history of my family, is because it is kind of a coping mechanism.  I wrote in a journal every single day from age 8 to when I got married (then it got more sporadic!) and I found in writing my thoughts it actually helped me sort them out and put things into perspective.  This is what blogging sort of does for me too.  I like to share my joy in life, but also the reality that finding joy is sometimes difficult.  But I like laughing better than crying, you know?  Finding the positive, not the negative.  Of course we have some dirty laundry around here but as for airing it out on the internet?  I am not sure about that.  But if you stop by my house and listen at the front door you are sure to hear some... probably something about cereal!!!!!!!!

Broken hearts & Anniversaries

Happy wedding anniversary to us!  Today Nate and I were talking about "THE TALK" where I totally rejected Nate so I had to pull out my journal and read it.  We laughed and laughed.  I mean could a talk BE any more awkward and painful????  And yet here we are, married for 8 years now. :)  So I'm going to entertain you and share some of our "talk" with you.  Seriously, it's embarrassing.

April 24, 2000.  I was 17. We'd been good friends since I was 14.  He had just taken me to my jr. prom, AS FRIENDS, 

but I knew he'd had a thing for me for awhile.  There had definitely been chemistry there for years, I just was not sure if I liked him enough to risk making things all weird by starting a relationship...   so when he called me from work and started THE TALK I was caught completely off guard and unprepared at what to say.  I didn't want to say I liked him, but I didn't want to say I didn't!!!!  I stammered the whole thing and NOTHING came out right (well when you're breaking someone's heart CAN things really come out right??)  

He started by telling me he liked me a lot and whenever he was with another girl and thinking about taking it a step further I was in the back of his mind and he didn't want to risk losing a chance with me if it existed. He said, “And I wouldn’t risk anything when it comes to you, Erika.”  I asked him what he wanted, and he said what he would like to happen is for us to spend more time together and take our relationship further.  At that, I just could not gather my thoughts at all. I wanted to be honest with him, but I knew it would hurt him, so getting it out was just the most HORRIBLE thing ever.  I kept losing my thoughts and stopping in the middle of sentences and honestly I sounded like an idiot. He kept saying I didn’t, that I could tell him anything good or bad.  Right after I got off the phone with him I wrote everything down that I remembered, so these are just a FEW of the lines that make up actual parts of our conversation BELIEVE ME I COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP!!!!!  Also, I took the liberty of including NATE'S THOUGHTS in RED!

 “Nate, I’m unsure of everything. I keep leading you on and dragging you by a leash…” (Oh thank you, just what I wanted, to be seen as your PUPPY.)

“Nate, that doesn't mean what you think… (oh THAT’S good) I drag you along cause I want you to keep liking me, which is unfair to you cause I’m unsure and have to wait for myself to come to a conclusion and I assume you’ll be right there.” (I thought you said it doesn’t mean what I think!!!!!)

“This has been going on since 8th grade, you’d think I’d know how I feel about you for sure by now, but I don’t.” (Wow I feel AWESOME about myself.)

When Nate asked me if I thought of him as a good friend or as a romantic interest, I replied, “Probably more as a friend, cause I don’t think- gosh, I wanna try to hold his hand.” (OUCH!!!!) He goes, “Then I guess your feelings aren’t the same as mine.”

I go, “But Nate, when I think about when I liked you a ton 2 summers ago, I do still like you a lot, but then I don’t know… when I think of being that way with you I’m almost scared cause… I wonder if it’d change things. You’re the best guy friend I’ve ever had and I don’t know how it’d be to go further.” (Ahhh I'm so happy to know I am such great FRIEND material.)

I also said, “Nate, the thing is, as of right now I don’t have romantic interest, but anything can happen! If we spent more time together, I could picture things happening, not now though.” (Oh, well that works perfectly for me because hey, I have nothing better to do than wait around until you quit being so freakin wishy-washy!!!)

He’s all, “So you’re saying I should move on and get over you?” I go, “I guess so.” (COME ON ERIKA do the right thing and make a clean break!!!)

I said, “You’re so perfect to like and you can’t just wait until I like you.” (WOW and the blows just keep coming!) He goes, “I don’t want to have you be forced to like me” I go “I know!” Then I babbled on how I was trying to convince myself I like him that way, but I don’t know. (I’m sooooo sorry finding me attractive is just SO difficult for you!)

He goes, “The hard part is trying not to like you.” (Although this conversation is REALLY helping.) I go, “Want me to kick you? j/k.” (WAY TO ATTEMPT SOME COMIC RELIEF ERIKA???)

He goes, “We’ll still be friends.” I go, “I know but it’s not the same- I’ll always be the girl you’re getting over!” (My, my, that IS a heavy burden to carry, however will you survive??) He goes, “No, it’s okay, Erika.”

Oh then I said, (this just keeps getting worse!!!) “Maybe if you play hard to get I’ll want you more!” (Thanks for giving me advice on how to make it easier for you to like me!!!) DUMB DUMB!! I told you this conversation was PAINFUL AND AWKWARD?! Seriously I cannot believe I would say that! Insenstive things were just flyin out of my mouth left and right!

So Nate goes, “Don’t lead me on.” (YA THINK!) I go “Sorry I don’t mean to.” (I just can’t help myself, I am just so irresistible!) I said, “There are two ways to turn, I’m afraid if I turn one way I’ll wish I turned the other way.” (This honestly was the crux of the matter--- I was so afraid to take the risk and ruin our friendship.)


AND that's how it ended. After that conversation I HATED myself. It went so badly. I was so down and felt physically ill. I just loved Nate to death and felt terrible about hurting him and being so fickle.

WELL IN MY DEFENSE... let me share with you a couple of journal entries a couple weeks later...

 May 14, 2000
"Me and Nate had a second talk, we talked about a ton of stuff. I felt close to him. Well ever since then I’ve thought, yaknow, I change my mind. I’m gonna tell Nate I like him! COME TO FIND OUT- He’s kissed Megan, likes her A LOT and is dating her, FOUR days after the talk!! He sure got over ME quick!  I don’t care though. Right? So I studied for math at his house, we order pizza, havin a grand old time, and he told me all about the kiss.  Cause well I asked him about it.  ME?  JEALOUS?  NO!!  NOT A JEALOUS BONE IN MY BODY!!!!  WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!! I had a chance- 2 CHANCES to have Nate! AS SOON as he finds another girl I want him? Why am I LIKE THAT! I’m never getting married."


May 20, 2000
"Am I depressed? No, no, not me. Well. Maybe. ALL RIGHT I AM. FOR DUMB REASONS TOO. So. #1. The whole Nate thing. SO. Come to find out, him and Megan are going steady. WHY DO I CARE! I told him TWICE I didn’t want to go further, I like being friends. So. WHY is it as SOON as he gets himself a girlfriend, I WANT HIM?? It doesn’t make sense! Do I really want him or is this some psychological jealousy pathetic 'but he wanted me for 4 years?' thing. Okay 3 and a half. Really. Still. How can he like, throw that all away and find another girl in a WEEK! BECAUSE, ERIKA, YOU TOLD HIM TO! PRACTICALLY! I drive myself crazy. I do. He drives me crazy. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore."


June 27, 2000
"Sometimes I wonder if I really have always liked Nate this whole time.  I keep telling myself—BUT ERIKA—YOU REJECTED HIM TWICE! But it’s NATE. I think I figured something out. The reason I can’t decipher my feelings for him is cause well #1 I can’t figure out my feelings for ANYONE, solidly, afraid that I don’t really feel that way and #2 HE’S the one that always makes me crawl back to him. He has this way of dragging ME on a string! Sure I can tell him I don’t like him, but then who always goes to Bowman's to see if he’s there? Who gets exhilarated when she finds out he calls? Who loves talking to him? I DO. I always want to see him. I love hanging out with him. He has a way of making me attached. HE KNOWS HOW TO GET TO ME! Okay, not like I’m gonna go confess my undying love for him or anything, but I think this whole Nate saga is not over."

FAR from over... :)


So that summer he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend and we kept hanging out like the bestest friends ever and I realized- Um I love being with Nate way more than I liked being with my boyfriend… I knew I made a huge mistake. Especially when I began fantasizing kissing Nate.  I even made a GOAL that if worse came to worse I would just walk up and kiss Nate one day.

WELL THAT didn't happen (that woulda made the story better I know!!!!) but at the end of the summer when we were both unattached again we confessed our feelings for each other... this time I was CERTAIN what I wanted. :)  The threat of losing him to another girl was pretty powerful!!!!!!  Genius, Nate, genius… ha ha.  I am so glad he gave me another chance!!!!  We had 2 great years apart while he was on his mission, I mean I missed him like crazy, but we both grew so much.

And then:

And now:

So for our anniversary, we saw "Captain America" (STUPID CLIFFHANGER ENDING!!!!) and went out to eat. 

The next day we went to LAGOON!!!!!!!  It had been FOREVER since I'd ridden the adult rides so we had a ball!!!!!

We didn't know this was in fish eye view, LOL.

Yes it was all fun and dandy... until we went on the flying aces.

Afterwards poor Nate was SO SICK!!!  This happened at the 4th of July carnival and I made fun of him...  so I really tried to be nice this time but seeing him all queasy and clammy after the ride and then it was the "Spider" that really broke him...

I couldn't help but make one or two old man jokes.  He's pretty disappointed he can't tolerate spinning rides anymore.  He apologized to me for only being able to withstand Sky Ride after that (barely!!!!)  I told him, that's okay I forgive you!!!!  After all he did forgive me for breaking his heart... yeah, I'll go easy on him. :)  Love you Nate!!

Pics, snails & throw pillows

So I started screwing around with my blog (wow that came out sounding super inappropriate), that is, the HTML on my blog, and had changed so many things in the code over time that I decided to start over with a whole new template.  And now I'm still deciding what to do at the top... I'd like to think I'm tech savvy but I'm really not.  We'll see what happens.  BTW "Full Diapers & Even Fuller Hearts" totally corny I know, but I think it's a pretty perfect title for my life.  Filled with motherly duties, some kinda disgusting, but honestly my heart could not be more full. :)  Anywho.

Snapping some pics outside...

This face makes me laugh. :)

Jenna was super excited to find a snail.

So today I see that snail sitting on a kitchen hand towel on the counter, all dry and crusty, yet oozing sticky stuff all over.  I threw it in the garbage.  Later, Jenna asked if I'd seen "Snailey."  Without thinking I told her I threw him in the garbage.  NOTE TO SELF: Don't tell your 5-year-old you threw her pet snail in the garbage.  Not sure if she has forgiven me yet.  I may or may not have told her I'd look through the garbage and find him...

So here is a random story.  I am going CRAZY!!!!  Why, you ask, well you see this couch??

We put it on KSL along with the matching loveseat and sold it.  Yesiree.  Even with this on it. 

Who knew people were in the market for modern art designed by a 2-year-old... I dunno... I put that pic on KSL so people knew!!  Oh well it is their problem, NOT mine now... (so yeah my solution for getting permanent marker out of your couch other than flip the cushion over is... sell that baby! $100!) 

ANYWAY so 10 minutes before people were coming to look at it, I am looking all over for the 2 small throw pillows seen in the picture.  I cannot find them anywhere.  I mean, ANYWHERE!!!!  The kids were playing with the cushions and pillows earlier and so I'm like, surely they have got to be somewhere.  Where do two throw pillows go???  APPARENTLY THEY EVAPORATE INTO THIN AIR.  I mean, you know you have 4 kids when you are looking for PILLOWS in:

Every cupboard and closet in the house.
The pantry.
The fridge.
The bathtub.
The bedspreads.
Under the beds.
The washing machine.
The dryer.
The toy boxes.
The costume box.
The food storage.
The Christmas items.
The garage.
The van.
The window wells.
The garden.
The stroller.
I SEARCHED AND SEARCHED EVERYWHERE!

The people came and bought them without those pillows cause I still cannot find those dang pillows.  I think somebody ate them.  Maybe they were flushed down the toilet.  ARGH IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!  IF YOU WERE A THROW PILLOW WHERE WOULD YOU GO?????  This is my question.  I will let you know if I find the answer.

When Toothpaste Attacks!!

A few days ago I came upon this scene. 

I think the toothpaste won. 

I had to take pictures cause...  REALLY?!!!  Really, children??!!!  Did any end up on your toothbrush????  (can you guess who got the blame?  If you guessed Logan 5 points for you.)

I couldn't even handle it right then and didn't even clean it up until 2 days later.  The rug came out of the dryer smelling minty fresh with zero cavities.

A one-year-old's chores

Kaitlyn is SUCH a good helper as I do housework!!! For example,

Mom: Sweep kitchen floor.
Kaitlyn: Try to eat the dirty pile before mom can get it into the dustpan. It’s SO nice of mommy to make a big snack pile for her on the floor.

Mom: Clean toilet.
Kaitlyn: Test out the water and make sure it’s clean and the splashability is acceptable. (NASTY!)

Mom: Throw trash in the garbage.
Kaitlyn: Remove items from garbage one piece at a time. She is a huge proponent of recycling.

Mom: Do laundry.
Kaitlyn: Relentlessly try to climb in dryer. Something AMAZING must be in there.

Mom: Fold clothes.
Kaitlyn: Fling articles of clothing around. Extra points for throwing them off the bed.

Mom: Weed the garden.
Kaitlyn: Suck on rocks... WAY better than potato bugs.

Mom: Make dinner.
Kaitlyn: Throw dinner on the floor. She is very serious about aerodynamics.

Mom: Load/unload the dishwasher.
Kaitlyn: Throw all the silverware on floor. Scare mom half to death by trying to run off with the knives. (AAH!!!)

Mom: Change the baby’s diaper.
Kaitlyn: Take off the diaper and spread poop all over crib. Ummmm, yeah.

Such a great help!!!!!!!

I lost my child at Walmart.

I have to document this story for history’s sake.

 So Saturday was just a typical trip to Walmart. Actually, it was one of the more shameful trips… like I had been deep cleaning all day and didn’t bother to shower or change my clothes. Jenna had on a striped shirt with plaid shorts, Carter was sporting his batman cape, Logan had on some big ole Thomas the train slippers, and Kaitlyn’s face was all orange from eating spaghettios. I know, not one of my prouder moments, but Walmart is one of those places you can get away with looking like you just came from your trailer house. Anywho as soon as we walk in everyone has to go potty OF COURSE.  So after that, THEN we have to stop at the candy vending machines cause Jenna had a quarter in her pocket. SIGH I dig through my change and get some more candy for the other kids and Logan immediately drops all of his on the ground. Nice. I just let him pick them right back up (come on you would have too). Then Logan throws a fit cause I put him in the cart with Kaitlyn, which was pretty insulting because he thinks he is a big boy and YES I gave in and let him walk with Jenna and Carter. 

Then I head to the Home Improvement department cause after cleaning my house I decided to improve my home. Well Logan is real interested in some red plastic funnels (not sure what they were) and I turned into another aisle saying, “Logan, come on, right now!” and he looked up at me and said, “Okay.” So I’m in the aisle for about a minute and Logan still hasn’t followed me so I tell Carter to get Logan. He goes to the end of the aisle and looks both ways and says, “He is not here.” ALL right he must have gone to the wrong aisle. I start scanning the next few aisles and still don’t see him. I mean, he was RIGHT THERE he couldn’t have gone far! Then I realize it’s Logan and he doesn’t care where he goes he just goes and it has been oh just a couple more minutes but I am getting that pit in my stomach and starting to panic. I tell Jenna and Carter to go one way and look down the aisles and I went the other way and still nothing. I start nonchalantly shouting (can you shout nonchalantly??), “Logan!” and Carter is shouting not so nonchalantly, “LOGAN!” Then a man came up to me and asked if I lost a child and I’m like YES and he said, “I just saw a little boy down that aisle around the corner” so I rush over there and guess who I DON’T FIND! At this point of course my mind is racing, recalling all sorts of sick stories from the news and how the store entrance is right there and how huge Walmart really is. I am about to lose it.  I mean we have cleared the home improvement section, the office section, searching the towels and rugs, scrapbook section, card section, I am just feeling awful!!

I start heading to customer service and on the way see a manager looking guy. I blurt out, “Hey I just lost my 2-year-old son!!!!” and he goes, “Oh someone just took a little boy to customer service.” I almost started crying in gratitude right there.  I rush over there and there is this little old Walmart worker lady with Logan in her arms. She points to me and says excitedly to him, “Who is that? Is that your mommy?” and he gives me a HUGE grin and as I get closer I see that his big brown eyes are filled with tears. That was enough to make me all choked up and I grab him and hold him and say, “I found you!! Mommy found you!!!” and he is holding me so tight. Then I put him in the cart and he didn’t even protest.

This all seriously had to have been only 5-10 minutes. But it took me at least that long for my pulse to return to normal afterwards. The feeling of relief that washed over me when I saw him almost took my breath away. And this was only losing my child for a few MINUTES! I can’t imagine thinking of any longer than that.  I thanked the Walmart lady over and over.  My high ideals of "everyone is basically good" are true for me... except when it comes to my children.  It's not fun suspecting the worst of people, but these days you have to. 

Oh, Logan. Mommy loves you. Please don't make me buy a leash.

"That's what friends are fooooooorrrrr!!!" sniff sniff

Six years ago when we moved into the ward I was pregnant with Jenna and came home from church almost every week in tears because I felt so isolated.  I knew in order for me to make friends I needed to branch out, but I was way too intimidated.  I felt like everyone else already had friends and I just didn't know how to reach out.  I was a HORRIBLE visiting teacher cause I was a scaredy cat (pretty sure I didn't go at all for like a year) and enrichment nights also scared me to DEATH and I would debate if I should go or not and my biggest reason not to go was WELL WHO WOULD I SIT BY!!!!  I used work as my excuse, mostly.  Then my neighbor Stacy changed that.

Yep, Stacy, I am blogging about you. :)

Jenna was just a couple months old when Stacy called me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to go on walks with her and her baby boy in the mornings.  I was like, really?  You want to do something with me??  (wow I am making myself sound pretty pathetic.)  So we did, every morning, we were very consistent.  A little while later, my friend Malissa joined us with her baby girl.  I was so, so, SO grateful that Stacy reached out to me.  It made all the difference.  ALL the difference.  When I'd debate about enrichment, I'd be like, well maybe Stacy or Malissa will be there.  And so I'd go.  And in doing so meet new people.  I remember there was a Relief Society broadcast with a lunch or something and I wanted to go, but again, stressed about who I'd sit by (did anyone else stress about this?!  Or was I some sort of weird awkward freak?!!  I am SO much better about that stuff now!)  ANYWAY I went anyway and just PRAYED I would find someone to sit by and not feel alone.  I walked in late and there in the back with an empty seat next to her was Stacy.  Again, I was so grateful.  I don't know if I ever told her this, but she definitely was a key in helping me feel comfortable in the ward, helping me feel like I had at least ONE friend, helping me feel included, like I was acceptable.  Her friendship meant and still means a lot to me!!  Talking on those walks were some great times.  Stacy is seriously one of the nicest people I know.  She was SO friendly and made it look so easy just to TALK to people and to this day I want to be more like that, like her.  :)  And Malissa is one of my dearest friends as well and I am so thankful for her!

Here are our kids playing after a walk one day, Alexa, Ethan, and Jenna, so little!  Jenna's first little friends! 

Stacy moved away a few years ago and I was sad.  :(  But we have gotten together quite a few times since and that makes me happy.  :)  This is from last weekend.  Look how big they are!

In talking to some people lately I know how much it means for people to feel like they have friends, I mean, at least ONE or TWO,  like I was grateful to get in Stacy and Malissa.  Feeling isolated and on the outskirts of ward friendships stinks.  I think the perceptions we have of people can be so wrong, too.  For example, some people I had assumed to have lots of friends in actuality have felt like they have no one.  And until a few months ago I myself felt like I was only good enough for a small chat with, but then when it came down to it I had maybe one person I could just call and and hang out with and TALK with.  Is it lame to pray for friends????  I felt so awful about myself, and honestly, it was my fault!!  Over the last little while, I have gotten close with some people who are just across the street!  Around the corner!  Even next door!  And I am so thankful!  I mean they have always been there and I am just now developing these friendships?  And whoever started those girls night outs, thank you, thank you.  And it is not like I want a billion friends, I just wanted someone to get out of the house with sometimes, yaknow?  My husband is my absolute best friend and we often joke about our anti-socialness... because we do have each other.  But face it sometimes we need extra support, some girl time.  I guess what I am trying to say is, I will forever try to be a friend to everyone.  If you are one who happens to feel excluded, talk to me, I am your girl. And to those who I've gotten to hang out with lately you have no idea how much it means to me!!!  Laughing is the best for dealing with spilled cereal in my house, especially when it involves collar bones!!  ha ha.

I KNOW I just wrote about "friends" and raccoon skins and stuff recently... but the more I talk to other freakin awesome ladies, the more I think we all need to reach out to each other better.
 Like one person reached out to me.  :)

10 years

The big question:  Where were you when the Twin Towers fell?  10 years ago I was just starting my college career at BYU-Idaho.  Getting to know my roommates, studying for classes, writing Nate, eating ramen noodles, ah, those 2 years at school there were some of the best times of my life.  That day I had later classes so when I woke up all my roommates were gone.  The TV was still on, some news channel.  Boring!!  I grabbed some cereal and sat down and tried to change the station.  I flipped and flipped and... every station was the same... and it was then I thought maybe I should pay attention.  When I saw that airplane hit the tower I was shocked and scared.  One of my roommates walked in and I am like, "WHAT is going on!!!!"  She filled me in on what was happening.  She said there was a huge TV in one of the buildings on campus and students were crowded in there, watching.  There was a devotional scheduled for that day and Elder Bednar (president of BYU-I at the time) spoke.  He talked about standing in holy places in a world full of turmoil.  Of course we all had the last days on our minds.  I remember truly worrying that my brothers or Nate would be drafted to war.  I worried about my aunt, who was in New York City at the time.  I worried about Nate, on his mission in Montreal, which is pretty close to New York.  I remember talking to my mom on the phone who freaked me out by asking if I was okay and to make sure I had enough food, because who knew what this meant.  My roommates and I had a lot of deep discussions.


Nate woke up that morning and tracted with his companion as usual and quickly knew something was wrong.  People would open their doors and say, "What are you doing here?  Don't you know it is World War 3???" With each door they would get bits and pieces of information.  They knew something was going on in the U.S., something big.  Someone even told them New York had actually been burned to the ground.  They finally got that the Twin Towers had fallen and they went back to their apartment and called the APs who told them to lock down, stay in their apartments,  for 2 days.  Nate said he was worried about his family, but not really scared.  He actually never got the full grasp of what happened until he got home.  In fact, the first time he even saw footage of those planes crashing into the towers was after we were married when we were watching a tribute video.  He was shocked!!!  I couldn't believe he had never seen it before.


I'm sure people were thinking stuff I was thinking... Is the world ending? What will going to war mean? What is going to happen?  Is this a sign?

In the immediate aftermath of 9/11 I distinctly remember that in a world where God is forgotten and unnoticed, the world woke up.  There were messages everywhere, "God bless America," "In God We Trust," and "One Nation Under God."  The drive back to Utah from Idaho was filled with these messages, posters, in store windows, on business marquees, on people's houses, on people's cars, on chainlink fences, on freeway overpasses,  For a brief moment the nation was united.  For a brief moment, people turned to heaven for answers and for hope.  Our heads were bowed in reverence and prayer for those who had passed.  Isn't it funny that when something bad happens it is our first instinct to turn to God?? 


And then we quickly went back to the world where in the name of free speech filth can be put on billboards, and somehow the 10 commandments can barely be displayed.  Let's accommodate filth, but not goodness.  Nice.


I know many people lost their lives that day and hearing those stories of loss and courage make me cry.  So has our nation gotten stronger in these last 10 years?  Or weaker?  I am not sure.  I am not real political, so I am not sure what this war is really all about.  But I think it is good to remember what happened and pay tribute.


God bless the U.S.A.

Life, spilled cereal, life

Random pictures...

Carter started preschool!! (well not so random, this was yesterday!)
He was SOOO excited!!!!

Logan cried when I dropped Carter off so I decided to take him and Kaitlyn for a walk to the park. We get there and it starts pouring rain, it was freezing! So much for that.
We huddled together under the pavillion.

Then hurried home when the rain died down and watched "The Iron Giant"
(that movie makes me cry, is that weird???)

Jenna's school had a BMX show for their fundraiser. I have never seen one live and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! It made my heart race and was just so cool. Two guys biffed it though, but that kinda made it more exciting.

Logan did this to my pantry this last week.  That's like a whole bag of
Marshmallow Mateys!!!  errr.

And the fun never ends... apparently "Kaitlyn" (she got the blame) did this.  yeah MORE CEREAL are you KIDDING ME!

So, I sweep it up and put it in the bathroom garbage.  A little while later I walk in and find THIS!!!  I mean COME ON!

A couple days ago I find the kids eating their mac & cheese on the floor.  With bowls on their head to, and I quote, "protect them from lava."

Moments like these make me happy.  Even when I have to clean up the mac & cheese ALL OVER the kitchen floor!

Logan woke up one night just sobbing.  We couldn't get him to tell us what was wrong, but daddy held him and made everything all better.

This couldn't possibly be more cereal on the floor, could it???  I AM NOT KIDDING 3 times in a week, wow, I mean, that is pretty impressive.  (it is Frosted Flakes... do you like my healthy cereal choices.)

Some more pantry happenings. 

Do you take pictures of yourself frying squash?  I DO!!!!  Yep just when I thought fried zucchini was the best thing ever, I tried a recipe for fried squash and it was DELISH!!!!!!!!!!!  Trust me.  Combine 1/4 cup of flour and 1 tbs sugar.  Peel and slice your crookneck squash (make sure to remove the seeds) and cover both sides with the mixture and fry in butter!  YUMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!

There's something about seeing my own produce.  I'm a proud mama to these veggies.

I like these pictures of Daddy and Kaitlyn. 

Those are the random pictures of the day!!!